Religion and spirituality can be a great help during a time of loss. Yet a significant loss also may cause you to question everything, including your faith. This may initially feel like a compounded loss adding to the grief you’re already experiencing.
When we are in the middle of a deep grieving process it’s difficult to think clearly, but it can also be a time to grow your faith. Faith can serve as a guidepost during the darkest times by helping give direction. Even for the most faithful, however, may have questions regarding one’s faith. Questions and others like, “Why me? Why now, and why this?” are quite normal to ask after a significant loss. It’s difficult to come to grips with the fact that what you once so strongly believed is now being challenged.
At the juncture in your life where loss seems so overwhelming and faith may seem diminished, here are a few tips to guide you to a place where faith might be possible:
- Surround yourself with people who will listen to you without judgment. I’ve met no one experiencing a significant loss that has desired advice over listening. Well-meaning friends and acquaintances will line up to give you unsolicited advice on how to avoid grief, and move forward with your faith unchanged and intact. Few will truly listen.
- View your questions about faith as a strength and a sign of trust. Your faith is built for times like these. Questioning your faith doesn’t equate to having a flaw in your faith. People of all faiths at some point in their life have questions. If you believe in a higher power, trust that in your questioning you will not be abandoned. Faith isn’t always about happiness, but is surely about endurance and resilience.
- Allow the light in. When joy breaks through your grief and finds its way into your life, allow it in if only for a moment. After your experience with loss, you deserve a respite no matter how brief. Welcome these surprising interventions.
- Acknowledge the true difficulty and pain of your loss. Sometimes the death of the person we love makes no sense. Your grief may be in response to the love you have for the individual who has passed. Your grief also may signify regrets or anger you have toward the person you’ve lost. There are a myriad of reasons why we feel pain when someone close to us dies. All of them are valid.
- Ask for help. Independence is a wonderful trait to have, but it’s not always the most helpful response to grief. Faith is not only about giving. Dependence on one another and the community where we live, work, play and possibly worship is also a hallmark of faith. You may find that receiving the gift of help is the most faith-strengthening decision you can make.
While faith may be tested during a time of loss, remember that your faith is your companion even during the most difficult times. It is leading you toward a hope that at the time is not fully visible. It’s not asking you to be or do more. Your faith is part of the painful story you’re living at this moment. Faith is for the long road and we’re here to help you take those first steps.